


Dead

by TheAngelThyla



Series: Damaged [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Depressed Dean, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Oblivious Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 14:57:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4710125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelThyla/pseuds/TheAngelThyla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is happy as can be.<br/>Until he isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead

**Author's Note:**

> I have severe depression and anyone with depression will know that there are days where you can be fine and even enjoying your life until, in a split second, you're not.  
> These "moments" can end up lasting hours or sometimes days where you'll be forced to put on a mask because you're afraid of someone finding out your "dirty little secret," even if you're begging on the inside for someone to help you.  
> I had one of those moments tonight and decided I needed to get my emotions out and, since I identify with Dean a lot, thought that this would be the best way to do it.

Dean sat at the stained motel room table, whistling some aimless tune and cleaning his favorite gun, imagining what kind of pie Sam was going to bring back from his food run.  
Polishing the Mother of Pearl handle to a shine, he looked out the window at the sun-warmed hood of the Impala. Maybe he should change her oil. Yeah, it's been a while since he did that and he wouldn't want her engine to gunk up.  
Dean smiled at the thought of working under the hood of his Baby; it never failed to brighten his mood.  
Putting the cap on the gun oil, he stood and walked over to the bed nearest the door where his duffle was laid open. Oil in the side pocket, gun under some clothes.  
He was still whistling as he zipped up the bag when he felt a pang in his gut, as if he'd just been punched but not.  
Stumbling backwards to the other bed and missing it as he sat down, he slid to the floor and wrapped his arms around himself. Wave after wave of hot sorrow washed over him, causing his eyes to burn with unshed tears and his breathing to become sporadic yet still quiet.  
Pain that wasn't really there gripped his lungs and his heart felt as if an angry hand was squeezing it.  
Dean stumbled to his feet and blindly made his way to the bathroom, a hand over his mouth and unable to see due to the tears that were so close to falling but refusing to.  
The hunter felt as if he was shattering like glass and slid to the floor against the door he hadn't even realized he'd closed.  
Pulling his legs to his chest, he laid his head on his knees and hid under his arms. Then the tears finally fell. Hot and heavy, quiet sobs wracking his chest. He felt like a small child.  
It went on with him unable to stop until he heard a key in the motel room door, to which he swiftly pulled himself up and cleared his throat before splashing his face with water to get rid of the tear tracks.  
"Dean?" Sam's voice carried through the cheap plywood door.  
"Just a second," Dean called back, hoping his voice didn't crack noticeably. He dried his face with a towel and sniffed, looking in the mirror to make sure there was no evidence.  
"And before you ask: yes, I did bring pie."  
He could hear Sam's eye-roll to his responding, "Awesome!"  
Hand on the knob and fake smile plastered on thick, Dean exited the bathroom to see Sam smile at him and nod at the table laden with food before turning back to his own bag which he was stuffing with books.  
Away from his brother's gaze, Dean's smile faltered.  
While he was glad for it, he didn't understand how Sam couldn't see.  
How could he not tell that his own brother was dead inside?

**Author's Note:**

> This didn't come out quite like I wanted but I hope it comforts others knowing that they're not alone.  
> I may turn this into a series of one shots if enough people are interested. But I dunno. I'm not really in the right mindset right now to be making decisions. *shrugs*
> 
> [Edit: It's been brought to my attention that a lot of people would like a series so I guess I'll be starting one.]


End file.
